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The Backdoor - how to avoid fights
THE BACK DOOR is something I learned a long time ago that has never let me down.
It is a way to defuse confrontational situations and to end conflicts before they occur.
I believe it is psychologically sound and part of human/animal nature.
In nature you will find that if you corner an animal, no matter how big or
small, it has no option other than to fight. The cornered animal will fight with
whatever means it has to try and survive, no matter what the odds of winning are
or how big the attacking animal is. The same thing applies to humans. If you corner someone in a confrontational
situation, the agressor often sees no option other than to fight you. Only in the human
situation there are often different aspects at stake than survival.
The fear of losing face or looking bad in front of other people in the vicinity is often more than enough to cause people to fight.
THE BACK DOOR is an escape from this situation where everyone wins. It is a way
for your potential attacker to back down and leave you alone without losing
face, and with nobody getting hurt.
How to avoid fights by opening a backdoor
For example, imagine some guy who is totally pissed off at you for whatever
reason. You may even know him. Imagine he is getting more aggressive and
agitated every minute and about to get violent and hit you.
The BACK DOOR works like this: Apologise for whatever he thinks you have done to
make him so angry. Say you are sorry! If you're in a bar, offer to buy him a
drink. Put yourself down in front of him, belittle yourself, do whatever it
takes to make him feel superior to you, so that he feels he has beaten you
already. This gives him THE BACK DOOR to take, as he is no longer forced to
prove himself, which could have seen you coming out second best and seriously
hurt.
The act of opening a backdoor for the aggressor is normally as simple as
apologising for whatever it is he thinks you have done. Often a guy thinks he
needs to fight over a spilled a drink or bumping him in a crowded place. I would
offer to buy him a drink, at the same time making myself as humble and him as
superior as possible.
Nothing to prove
I have personally used this BACK DOOR system many times myself. In my situation
having trained in the martial arts for many years, it is usually some guy trying
to start a fight to prove himself. I have nothing to prove - I leave that for
the Dojo floor. So I merely give him a BACK DOOR to take, where he doesn't lose
face to himself or his buddies who are nearly always close by to watch the hero.
In some cases I will endure his aggressiveness and vocal abuse and just simply
walk away, making myself look afraid of him, Of course in his eyes and his
onlookers he is tough and the winner and I am the loser. In reality I won
because I didn't have to get involved in a fight. Some people call this
philosophy the "challenge no-one" philosophy, and personally I regard it as
essential for a peaceful society.
This BACK DOOR system can be applied in many situations, and not always physical
ones. You can use it in everyday conversation where you feel an argument is
developing - give them a BACK DOOR and end conflicts before they occur.
Terry Lyon, 4th Dan Karate instructor
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